The Things I Never Told You... by Sarah Hayek and Ella Martin
There are too many things we hold in. Things we keep from the people we love--guilt, apologies, how much we love them. But the greatest of these is guilt; guilt encompassing all of these things. All of the things we never told them. Time to break the silence. Here are some things that Sarah had to say to her best friend, and Ella to her father.
It weighs on me that I never told you about my stone cold heart. You see... I was left to break and have yet to heal. Since then, I have been incapable of trusting and loving another human being. All that I feel is anger and I apologize for bringing this toxin around you.
You were hurt and needed love. In the midst of your aches you found out about my high built wall and that’s when it was too late.
Apologies may mean nothing now, because somehow the anger in me found it’s way to crack through you. But thank you for finding love in my eyes and my laugh even though it was difficult to discover in my heart. If you hang on a little more until my heart warms up and my walls shatter, I promise to cherish you like I’ve never loved before--or like I never stopped loving before.
To My Father,
It weighs on me that I never told you who I really was. It weighs on me that I never had a deep conversation with you. It weighs on me that I can’t answer the simple questions like where you went to college, or even who your best friend is. I want to be able to say I was close with my dad, not just that I loved his personality and knew where he worked. I want to converse about my friends and what I want to do in the future, about where I see myself in 20 years, and where you want to be in 20 years. It weighs on me that I know so much about my mom, but you're an empty canvas. I know you are a masterpiece. I have never seen you. Dad, it weighs on me that I never told you how much you mean to me. It weighs on me that I don’t say I love you wholeheartedly enough. We talk through sarcasm, but it’s never intricate. Through my attitude, fun, and games, I truly do love you dad. I truly do appreciate everything you do. I admire how you go about things not seeking acknowledgement, but seeking a positive outcome for everyone. You inspire me to be a good person, to be social, caring, and never give up on anything you believe in, the way you had to.
Dear Dad, thank you. Thank you for being my inspiration, and thank you for being my dad.