The Thoughts of a Bookless Author By: Nicole Clanton

So I finally turned 19 this year and I was really excited of course because I mean...who doesn’t want to be 19! When I was younger I always thought to myself “I’m gonna write a book about my life and I’m going to publish it when I’m 18 years old and it’s going to be a best seller and everyone is going to love it”. 

I felt like this was a really great idea and I was completely down for it until I realized how hard it is to actually write a book! For some reason when I was younger, I guess I felt like the words to this best selling book were just going to jump out of my head and onto the pages and I would instantly become some modern day Maya Angelou or something. Clearly that didn’t happen. These days I’m lucky if I can figure out what I want to say in a text message! Never mind writing a book. 

The other thing that kinda steered me away from writing a book was the stories that I would share. Even though most people would still consider me pretty young, I have had a lot of experiences that people probably wouldn’t guess by just looking at me. I have had a good amount of happy times, but I have also had some hard times that made me really strong and that taught me a lot about life and about myself. The thing that makes me nervous about sharing some of these stories in my book was how the people in my life who were involved in my stories would feel once my book became a best seller and everybody read it. 

For example, I would want to include the story about my prom and how I should have been voted prom queen that night. And how even though I hugged and congratulated the girl who got picked, I was low-key being a hater on the inside because I felt like it should have been me. And before you go getting all crazy, I wasn’t the only person who thought I should have been prom queen! All my friends did too! But because I didn’t want to seem like a sore loser, I made sure to hug and smile with the girl who got chosen. And I even took pictures with her once they gave her the crown...my crown!

The point here is, what if the girl who actually got picked as prom queen read my book? Well, she would definitely end up reading it because it would be a best seller. And everybody likes to read a good best seller. But anyway, what would happen when she read my book and she got to the part about me being secretly mad that she got picked and I didn’t? That would be awkward. And that awkward moment would lead to a series of events that I really just would not want to deal with. She would read it and tell all her friends to read it (well, that part wouldn’t be so bad because her making her friends get copies and read it would just be helping my sales and keep me on the best seller list longer). But she would be upset and try to contact me on my Snap. She would probably ask me a whole bunch of questions. She would probably ask me why I didn’t tell her how I really felt at the time. I would have to come up with some clever answer. And it would really just be too many things to deal with. And this is just an example of what I would have to go through for that ONE pretty minor situation. What would happen when I got to the really juicy stuff? The thought alone of feeling like I would have to explain everything to everybody is already too stressful and I haven’t even started writing the book yet! You feel me?

So these are a few of the reasons why I don’t really want to write a book. At least not right now. I’m sure there will come a time when I care a lot less about what anyone would have to say, and I will be able to speak my truth and not worry about the opinions of anyone else. I don’t know what age that will be but I’m looking forward to when it happens. Maybe by then the book will make so much money (because it will be a best seller, of course) that  if anyone actually does get offended by something in the book, I will be able to take them out to a nice dinner, hear what they have to say, and then tell them how much I don’t really care because my experiences are mine and they are beautiful and I want to share them with the world. 

Oh and don’t worry, if you are close enough to me to make it into my book, I will change your name so that no one will know who you are except me and you! That way, as long as you don’t make a big fuss about anything, no one would ever be able to even figure anything out! You’re welcome!

Tekeisha Meade